the examined life, best looked at
with perhaps a clearer eye;
unclouded by late night aches and sighs-
tossing and turning. suddenly, like a light i am
on. so bright its blinding, i can

trace my shadow on the ceiling
pencil you in with my memory, i swear
you are near, here, i can hear
your heart beat
steady in time

if i hold my breath, will just this once, everything
stop.
pause,
a second--

oh wait, earth is still here?
it cracks, splits, bends and breaks, gives way
under foot, under toe
threatens to swallow me whole
like i am but a blink of an eye,
a grain of sand on your beach
beach that so warmed me
solid land in an ocean of fluid change,
shift, swift

it gives way

and crumbles into nothing,
pieces of sand
sinking into the sea.

it is calm here
water fills me and i am
no longer full but
empty.

10:35

is this real?

rising to leave, remembering, awakening--
losing it. trying to fight it, swallowing;
breathing it back inside.

are you settling for someone rather than no one?
better to share a cramped bed than be alone with your thoughts?
questions i can't ask, because i really
do            not               want to know.
something i cannot bear to burden myself with the knowledge of--

why? what do i fear?
you are flesh, blood and doubt, just like i am.
pull your anchor from the ocean floor,
send me adrift. i shall float endlessly.

lost at sea.

it would seem that i have found land in you.
but i swear, you are a mirage. playing tricks on me, unreality

until i reach your shores and feel the warmth of your sand between my toes
lie down in the safety of your shade and find shelter and tranquility there
peace, a happiness not felt...
but suddenly so real, is this real?